Archive | January 2011

A few days without sex and I’m reminiscing already.

A few days without sex and I’m reminiscing already.  Sunday marked the second anniversary of my meeting Bobblehead Nerd.  I wrote about him long ago when I started this blog, but our relationship was already nearing the end so there weren’t many posts about him.  On my drive up to the Preacher’s house Saturday I started thinking about him and Manwhore and how they both changed me and the course of my life in many ways.

I have been without a car stereo for the last two years and have plenty of time to over-think things and enter into deep contemplation during my long drives up to my parent’s house.  Thankfully I will be getting a new stereo installed this week.  So on what was probably one of my last long drives with just my thoughts to entertain me I began thinking back over the past two years since I met Bobblehead Nerd and then Manwhore.  These two men who I adored from the day that I met them turned out to be such disappointments to me.  Here are summaries of each of them and our relationships.

Bobblehead Nerd

I met Bobblehead Nerd on an online dating site.  I was living close to my parents at the time and drove down to meet him on a Friday evening.  We hit it off immediately and I ended up staying the weekend.  Red flag #1: he told me he loved me within the first 36 hours of meeting in person.  Red flag #2: he drank a lot and smoked pot with his 16 year old son.  Red flag #3: he talked incessantly about himself.  All of these red flags should have sent me running, but the sex was amazing.  He is an average looking computer nerd with an oddly large head (hence the bobblehead reference), an average size cock & very large balls.  So in this case it was purely his insatiable sexual appetite and excellent skills and love of foreplay that kept my interest.  He also had a foot fetish that I found quite amusing.

A few weeks after we started seeing each other he asked me to move in with him and his two sons and I accepted.  Our entire relationship was rocky.  He and I split up on at least four occasions.  The first was about five months into the relationship and it was a huge blowout.  He had been drinking as usual and I unknowingly said just the wrong thing to set him off.  That ended with me packing my things and driving up to the Preacher’s house and staying there for the next two weeks until he apologized and talked me into coming back.  I was about to lose my mind at my parents house because my sister was pregnant at the time and being a complete bitch toward me so I accepted his apology and went back to Bobblehead Nerd’s house.  Our next split was a couple of months later but only resulted in my moving out and finding my own place.  That time the fight was once again about him getting drunk and guilting me into having sex with him.

In December of 2009 Bobblehead Nerd proposed to me.  He gave me a beautiful, although not very expensive, ring and I accepted.  I think at that point I was feeling the holiday spirit and the idea of finally having a relationship with an upper-middle class man with a good job, two sons, a dog and a nice house took over.  I loved the idea of a ready-made family because I cannot have children and it seemed like it might be my only chance at having anything that remotely resembled a real family of my own.  It seemed like a dream come true.  Wrong.  About a week later he began to complain about financial problems and he asked if he could return the ring.  I begrudgingly agreed and gave it back to him.  A couple of weeks later he gave me the ring back.  He had returned it but felt guilty about taking it back so he went back to the store and bought it again and even had it sized correctly this time.  Then, a few days after Christmas we got into another argument and I threw the ring on the bed and told him what he could do with it and I went home.

Our relationship continued in a on-again off-again fashion for several more months until it finally ended completely in July 2010.

Manwhore

I won’t even bother listing all the red flags that popped up in this relationship.  There’s too many to list and I probably have most of them in earlier posts anyway.

In January 2010, the month after I threw the ring back at Bobblehead Nerd, I was trolling some dating website and got a message from Manwhore.  Our relationship started out fast and full of passion but quickly dwindled down into the typical “Will you move in with me?” entirely too soon.  I pushed him away a little and tried to keep it casual.  We continued seeing each other for about two more months and then I just told him that I was too busy for a serious relationship.  We kept in loose contact until June when he moved and then invited me to come visit him.  I had a great time with him and realized that we really did get along great and maybe I should give him another shot.  I found myself staying over at his place more and more.

Unfortunately this didn’t last.  I found out in October that he had been seeing another woman up north (Really?, Really? Yes, really.) and had been lying to me about where he was going.  As good of a friend as he was at times, nothing could make up for him lying to me.  I’d rather be told the truth, as hurtful as it may be, than to be lied to and hurt worse.  Now he’s gone.

Tired of Sex. Thinking about taking a hiatus. (F*?K!)

I still love sex, but I am thinking about taking a hiatus from it for a while.  You know, the dreaded C-word.  Why?  I’m so sick of sex partners that are either lazy, overly aggressive and/or just don’t seem to care about whether I’m actually enjoying the act.  That’s not the only nor is it my main reason.  I’ve also read that there are benefits to the dreaded C-word, celibacy.

I have found over the last year that my personal goals and academic endeavors have suffered due to too much foolishness with men and relationships.  My classes and goals in life are far more important to me now than any man.  Of course that may sound selfish, but I’ll be 37 years old this year and feel that I have the right to be a little selfish.  My life is getting shorter by the day and I have a lot that I want to do before I croak.

Thankfully the Preacher and the rest of the family may be moving and that will free up some time for me to concentrate on my classes and other interests.  Seems like my prayer was answered.  I love my family very much, but they are downright controlling and suffocating sometimes.   This is a fact that both of my husbands and many boyfriends have pointed out incessantly, as if I wasn’t already aware of this fact.

If a period of celibacy is what it takes for me to get a grasp on my life and clear my head then that’s what I’ll do.  This will not be easy, but I’m willing to give it a try.  Don’t worry.  This will in no way affect the raunchiness of my posts and my propensity for revealing all the sordid details of my life.  I have plenty of stories hiding in the recesses of my memory.  A time of reflection could be a very good and hopefully entertaining thing.

P.S.  Why is “Charlie Sheen” listed as a recommended tag for this post?  I must really need help if I’m being thrown in the same boat as good old Charlie.

In Love With Being a Slut

Depending on your definition of slut, I’m a slut.  I like The Reformed Slut’s post about the definitions of the term slut.   I also agree with her that the Urban Dictionary’s definition is the most accurate,  “a woman with the morals of a man.”  Since my birth into sluttiness many moons ago I have been told that I think and act like a man when it comes to sex.  I never took this as an insult.  I take pride in the fact that I love sex and treat it as both a beautiful and necessary part of life.  Moreover, I never plan on becoming a “reformed slut.”

I consider one advantage of being a slut is the joy of experiencing sex with a variety of  partners.  This gives way to sexual exploration into all types of fetishes, likes, dislikes, techniques, ages, sizes, races and creeds.

I’ve had the pleasure of exploring the sexual rainbow:  younger, older, larger, smaller, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, cut, uncut, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, rich, poor, married, single, dominant, submissive, highly educated, poorly educated, morons, geniuses, hot, average, below-average, male, female, straight, gay, bisexual, cross-dressers, sexually wild and sexually restrained.  Wow, that just brought back a flood of memories.  I think I need a drink now.

Overall I’ve learned that there is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex.  Being a slut is a state of mind, not necessarily a certain set of actions or behaviors.

Live your life and enjoy what God gave us, the wonderful act of sex.  Just be safe and have fun.

You Are In the Army Now – Guest Post by The Preacher

With the Preacher’s permission, and per his request, I am posting one of his short stories here.  (No, I haven’t allowed him to read my blog.  He only knows that I have one.)  I think it will give insight into where I get my sense of humor, love of writing and it will let you in on why I also refer to the Preacher as the Drill Sergeant sometimes.  I also happened to enjoy this story very much.

Once when I was about three he came home from reserve duty and asked if I had cleaned my room while he was away.  I responded with an enthusiastic “Sir, yes sir!”  He still gets a big grin on his face when he tells that story.  So in honor of my own personal Drill Sergeant, and Preacher, here it is.

You Are In the Army Now

by the Preacher

I arrived at Fort Jackson near Columbia, South Carolina on a cool March day, as a lean mean fighting machine from Alabama.  Raised up hauling hay and cutting pulpwood, I was ready for anything except Drill Sergeant Murry. (Name changed to protect my life.) He had served three tours in Vietnam and was going through a really bad divorce.

When I got off the bus at the processing center I was greeted by the ugliest, meanest and loudest man who I had ever met.  Things went down hill from there.  When we were placed in formation and told to march leading off with our left foot, I discovered that I could not march in time with everyone else.  Years later, I decided it was because of the intense fear that I was feeling.

We were given a speech by Drill Sergeant Murry.  His use of words, many of which I had never heard, was mind-boggling.  He told us what he would do with the baseball bat that he carried if we stepped out of line.  In my wildest imagination, I could not imagine what he suggested to do with that bat.  After his speech, he finally left the barracks only to return a few hours later to find me in the middle of a craps game.  When I looked up and saw that war-torn weathered face glaring down at me, I wilted.  My breath left me and I thought that my time had come to meet my maker.  As ironic as it was, Drill Sergeant Murry took a liking to me and seemed to pay me special attention, both good and bad.

When asked if I would join the Army again, I find myself using some of Drill Sergeant Murry’s words when I declare an emphatic “No. Not if Drill Sergeant Murry is still alive.”

Another Pop-Up Man

Yet another man has popped-up.  I told you they come back in groups.  This time he’s not an annoying one though.  He’s a really nice guy going through a difficult time.  My heart goes out to those who are struggling in life and need a friend.  This one definitely is in need of a friend and he’s OK with just being friends with me.  I’m OK with that too.

I first met him in early 2010 when I was at work.  He was a frequent customer and a flirt.  One day he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him.  For some reason he kept losing my number and we kept missing each other and we just never got to go out until last August.  We went for lunch one day and then went to the beach for a few days.  I had a great time with him even though we never had sex.  He was one of those guys that just wanted to talk and didn’t want to be alone at the time.

Shortly after we got back from the beach I tried calling him but never could reach him.  Then my little DWI incident happened and then all the Manwhore shit happened and that completely threw me off mentally for the next several months.

Now I’m back to normal, or better than normal as I like to see it, and I could really use a good friend like him.  One that has no expectations of sex or emotional ties.  Maybe I’ll meet him for lunch this week.  I need someone to give me their opinion on my newly styled/colored coif anyway.