Archive | July 5, 2010

Boyfriend denied sex. Poor guy, but what about poor me?!

I found this blog posting (When your partner guilts you into sex) last night about a young woman who was being guilted into sex by her boyfriend.  I can completely understand how she feels.  The man who I was seeing, Bobblehead Nerd, would do the same thing to me.  It was usually when he had been drinking excessively and I was sick.  When I have a bad cold, migraine, broken leg, or most recently, a day after having had knee surgery, I tend to not be in the mood for sex.  I believe that’s fairly normal.  However, he just didn’t understand that sometimes a person just isn’t in the mood.  He would try his best to get me going by cuddling, groping, and sweet talking.  None of that works when I’m sick though and I’ve told him that.  Knowing that the outcome to my saying no would be him getting pissed off sometimes pushed me into just giving in to him.  The times that I gave in like that, the sex, on my part, was miserable.  I just wanted it to be over and in the end I just felt violated and resentful towards him.

First of all, I loved this guy.  I was attracted to him, we had good sex, and I didn’t deny him sex because of anything he had done.

On the occasions that I said no and completely refused sex, once he finally figured out I was serious, he would say “Fine, I guess I’ll leave you alone then.”  If he had said it in a loving caring way I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but he said it in a huffy pouting spoiled child tone of voice.  He would then roll over, back towards me, or hop out of bed and not come back until hours later.  There were no soft touches showing he actually cared about my being sick or hurt.  If he wasn’t getting what he wanted, then he didn’t want to even touch me.

All of this happened on my birthday of all days, and the day after my surgery.  I was doped up on pain meds and just wanted to sleep.  Bobblehead Nerd wanted sex.  I said no.  He got pissed off.  The next morning he tried again to get me to have sex with him.  I still refused because my pain medicine had worn off and I was hurting even worse.  So, he jumps out of bed and sulks away.  Seeing him still acting like that just hurt me more and made me angry.  Why should I have to put up with that kind of behavior?  Well, I’m not going to anymore.

After noticing a pattern of this happening with him (he wants sex, I’m sick, I say no, he ignores my wishes, then either I give in and am miserable or I hold fast to my not wanting sex and we end up in a fight) I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him.

What would you do in a situation like this?